As i ponder this i am moved by the way we talk about our bodies and use our soul as a way to express the depth of pain, comfort and joy among many others.
My soul was deeply hurt one day many years ago and it has never recovered. It has a empty void that was created by a broken heart, yes another body part that seems to have unusual capabilities. I do not think i will ever move past this time and deep down into my soul there it sits with other soul items. But this is one that will never heal and i guess that is the way it is.
If you looked into my soul you would see the moments that have mostly given me pain. We look at our selves as thought provoking humans but it seems that we are full of complexities that most people cannot imagine nor do they even try. We have souls that leave us in pain and joy but only when we are in pain does our soul really hurt. But what happens when our souls move on do they take all this power or does it just leave.
I will always have a love that will be in my soul and cannot be taken, we all have them but are always afraid to talk about them, this does not make us bad persons or not capable of loving others but there is always one. I guess if I actally had closure i would not be carrying such a deep pain but maybe that is why i have deep pain because i never had this opportunity to close that chapter, and do we really have chapters? are we books?
The soul is a dark and lonely place that carries all of our hearts and minds moments, it does not get to give any opinions or object to what it is given but it is allowed to be a part of us. we move about with memories that guide us through our lives and at times do not get the closure that we so want. our hearts break and we store the pain away with all the others hoping that it never happens again and then we feel safe if only for a moment of time but then something triggers that soul to bring to the front the memory that was on the edge and never really went away. We search for an answer and attempt to bring closure within ourselves but we never truly can because that is not how it works in life. People say that the soul has eyes but does it and what does it see? I do not think that the soul has eyes for if it did we would be windows of many different colors and not all of them would be good. I would hope that the painful things would show the loudest and that we would be given the chance to deal with the souls pain and its complicated emotions. but as humans we are always on guard and never work them out or do we attempt to put them at rest so that we can move on and find new things to add to our souls. I really hope that my one painful moment is never confronted because i donot know how i would react nor what i would say. but i guess for my souls sake i would want that moment to happen. when this person broke my heart it was done so painfully that my soul still grieves.
now if our souls had eyes everyone could see inside of us and know our individualized pasts. we would all be afraid that someone would see themselves in our reflections and bleed. we are so guarded by our emotions that we never let them out and keep them locked away for fear of anger or retaliation.. I cannot help what my soul feels and gives me, but we would be penalized for past pains taht we have no more control of nor could our soul see into the future in order not to make a change in direction that would leave us without pain in our soul.
G-d gives us pain and all other emotions I think to help us understand the complexity of the human mind. we have the capacity to change things with our prior experience but it does not always seem to go with what we expect will happen.
