Heartbreaks 1 but who is counting........

"For every beat that my heart makes there are some beats missing and those are the ones that are missing you. That is how my heart knows you are not here and until I see you again they will always be that way. The softness of you voice whispering those words in my ear are but a memory now one that I cherish and bring with me each and every day. " Once in a lifetimes may only just be that but they also bring with them the most wonderful and joyous times that can be so uplifting and soulful. But they can also be the ones that will break your heart and crush your soul. The day we met was such a beautiful day that no one could ever change or mar. The crossing of two souls that would have never even known each other had certain events not taken place. I had never planned to be there and then went with the others because I was needed to go. I was not the type to go and be amongst the people. I was not even dressed for the event. You do not even know the pangs it took for me to be there. When you walked into the room I did not even glance at you. But I remember that moment like it was yesterday. You asked who I was to my friend and I know because he told me. But you see I did not even care. I think the part where the ladies in charge came in later and told me I was needed at the big event when I offered to stay behind and then told me to find you when I got there. I should have known something was up. I got there and what a party it was I was completely out of dress and that was just the beginning. But your friend was there and he saw me and told me to wait right there so I did. I was good at that. And here you came you told me I was working with you. Well, I would not call walking around with you and talking all night working but I do not know how you charmed me but you were the most amazing kind, caring, compassionate person I had ever met. Do you remember we talked all night it was as if no one was around us, no one existed in the entire place. That was the night you called me amyness and when I asked you why you said it meant everything about me. This was your name for me. From that day on we were inseparable at least during the rest of the event and for several weeks after. We spent every moment we could together even your birthday. You had my heart and soul I could not even tell you the first time we kissed. A kiss with you was such a intense moment and was all that was needed I knew from that how you felt. But I could tell you that you taught me about real love and how to give your heart to someone. I had never fallen so in love with someone so intensely that when it was over you asked me why I did not cry. I could not the pain was to great. You had taken something from me that left me with such a void that I could not even find the water inside to cry. When you left I cried but it took along time. The reason it ended was I think the saddest part because it was not something that we did it was out of our control. I think it hurt you so painfully and deeply as well and I am and always have been so sorry for not understanding better the reasons for why you had to do what you did. I know your heart was hurting too and for you to have to make the choices you did back then were just as hard.

I had never been so hurt and destroyed until that day my heart was so broken and my soul was missing a part of it. Even now I have a hard time with writing this. Why I do not know. Is this what is like to love with all you have and put your soul into it that when it ends with a reason that really broke both our hearts. We could not be together not that we did not want to be we could not. Choices had to be made. I spent a week with friends at a beach far away after that just sitting looking at the water. Love is a powerful thing it was for me I had never know a love like this and it took us by surprise. Have you ever just touched someone and knew by that touch or that was all you needed. This was how we were. We did not need anything else, a kiss was a powerful moment between us. We would lay next to each other and that was all we needed. Do I believe he was my soulmate? He was someone that completed me in so many ways. The time we had was like no other that I have ever experienced and since a part of me has always been missing. Twice I have been somewhere and he was there. The first time I walked by him and just turned around and looked into his eyes I knew it was him I saw the pain there and had to look away. It was at least 14 years later. Then I saw him again about three years ago and it was across a room I was walking away and had this feeling and turned and once again saw him we knew immediately and again the pain was there. It is a moment of emotional intensity that is so hard to understand unless you knew what it was like. Like I said the saddest part is this was one where it did not matter how much you loved someone outside circumstances prevented us from ever moving forward. The irony is where I am today......